Kerry Siggins Podcast

Human beings are messy, emotional creatures. We all feel anxiety, anger, fear, and defensiveness at points in our lives and often, we give in to these strong emotions. It gets even messier when we have emotional outbursts in the workplace, which can happen quite often.
At some point in your management career, you will have to handle a situation where an employee is angry or upset. How you deal with this emotional outburst is crucial to maintaining a positive working environment and, if done right, can positively change the trajectory of the employee's experience. But let's face it, it can be overwhelming to work through an emotionally charged situation with an employee and it's easy to make things worse. The stakes are high, and a negative interaction could cause the employee to feel unheard or uncared about, decreasing overall satisfaction and could result in the person leaving the company.
Appropriately connecting and communicating with an upset employee is essential to turn the situation around effectively.
Listen to hear my tips on what to do, and more importantly, what not to do.
The question of the episode comes via LinkedIn. "Kerry, I have an employee whom I need to give tough feedback to, but he is a single thread. If he takes it the wrong way and leaves, I am screwed, and the company is screwed. What should I do?"
Great question, and I have been there – more times than I want to admit.
Everyone needs feedback to improve, and withholding feedback from this person keeps them from performing better and making improvements. So they deserve to hear the feedback. Check out the episode for more tips!

Guest: Colorado Attorney General Phil Weiser was sworn in as the State’s 39th Attorney General on January 8, 2019. As the State’s chief legal officer, Phil is committed to protecting the people of Colorado and building an innovative and collaborative organization that will address a range of statewide challenges.
Phil has dedicated his life to the law, justice, and public service. Before running for office, Weiser served as the Hatfield Professor of Law and Dean of the University of Colorado Law School. He founded the Silicon Flatirons Center for Law, Technology, and Entrepreneurship. Phil also served in both the Obama and Clinton administrations and as a law clerk to Justices Byron R. White and Ruth Bader Ginsburg at the United States Supreme Court.
Episode in a Tweet: When we build alignment around values and people have an opportunity to be heard, we can impact positive change in politics, business, and life.
Quick Background: I met Phil through my good friend and attorney, Todd Seelman. Todd is an avid Reflect Forward listener and told me I had to have Phil on the show. I never thought much about attorneys as leaders, but once I met Phil, I began to understand just how powerful leaders they can be. Phil is a big believer that empathy is the most important competency for lawyers to possess. The best attorneys can connect with their clients and the opposition to find a mutually agreeable resolution in conflict.
Phil’s grandmother and mother are also survivors of the Holocaust, and their stories of hope and belief shaped Phil’s life views. His mother was born in a Nazi concentration camp and is believed to be one of its youngest survivors. Phil thinks that he is where he is today because of the compassion of the U.S. and its welcoming of refugees as Europe was liberated. He is a product of the American Dream and holds firm in his commitment to making this dream possible for many others.
Phil is also is dedicated to creating fair competition in business through sound antitrust policy (he breaks down the Google and Facebook anti-competition issues in simple terms in the show), improving our criminal justice system, and protecting our air and water.
I love Phil’s thoughts on leadership and life, and I hope you enjoy this podcast.

I have been giving talks to corporate leadership teams, including my own, on how to make it safe for people on their teams to speak up. Leaders are often in a position of power, and it's hard for employees to speak their minds in fear of the fallout.
In one of my recent leadership talks, a person asked me, "How do you go about speaking up if you truly are scared of the outcome."
This is a tricky question to answer. But it's such a good question. The reason it's hard to answer is that it depends on the situation. I wanted to answer the question carefully; I didn't know this woman's situation, and I didn't want to give her bad advice. Listen to find out my tips.
Ok, the question of the episode comes from a listener of Reflect Forward and he asks, "Kerry, I know you use an executive coach. Do you also get coaches for your employees?"
YES! YES! YES! Many of my employees have coaches and it's the best investment I have made in terms of people development. I hire coaches to help high performers gain new insights about themselves and others and help them build new skills. I hire coaches to help high-potential employees who are struggling. I hire coaches for employees at all levels of the organization, not just the executive level.
I also use my executive coach for team coaching, which has been tremendous in helping us create a disciplined management system and has dramatically improved our ability to execute our strategy. Overall, the investment I've made in coaching has paid dividends. I think all leaders who are looking to be exceptional should hire a coach. And all leaders looking to develop exceptionally high-performing teams should use coaches to help develop their teams.

Guest: Melody Wilding, LMSW is an executive coach, human behavior expert, and author of “Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work.” She has coached hundreds of private clients, from CEOs and Fortune 500 executives to leaders from the US Department of Education, the Federal Reserve, and the United Nations. She teaches graduate-level human behavior and psychology at the Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College in New York. Her writing is regularly featured on Medium and in Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Forbes, Business Insider, and Quartz. Her advice has been featured in the New York Times, The Cut, Oprah Magazine, NBC News, US News and World Report, and more
Episode in a Tweet: Melody Wilding turns the conventional approach to finding personal and professional fulfillment on its head, arguing that sensitivity is not a hindrance but a superpower—if managed correctly.
Quick Background: Melody Wilding is the author of “Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work.” She draws on decades of research and client work to examine the intersection of sensitivity and achievement in the workplace. Melody offers neuroscience-based strategies to break free from stress and self-doubt to find the confidence to work and lead effectively.
“Sensitive Strivers” is what Melody calls individuals who are both highly sensitive and high performing. These folks are often so influenced and worried by how they appear to others. They struggle with overthinking, emotional reactivity, perfectionism, and an inability to set clear boundaries—which can hold them back from reaching their full potential as leaders and professionals.
In this interview, Melody provides concrete steps to channel these qualities in constructive ways, overcome inadequacy, and thrive in the workplace, combining cognitive behavior, mindfulness, and neuroscience with communications, leadership, and career development skills.

Want to be an exceptional leader? Be an exceptional SELF-leader.
Self-leadership is the way you lead yourself. It's taking full ownership of your attitude, effort, communication, and wellbeing.
In this week's episode of Reflect Forward: Advice From a CEO, I share a few stories to demonstrate self-leadership in action and some painful experiences I went through to learn how to be a strong self-leader.
As I have matured aka gotten older, I've realized how profound these experiences were. Throughout my life, I have learned the power of facing conflict head-on, advocating for myself, and taking feedback even when it was really hard to hear. I’ve learned how being accountable for my actions and engaging in hard conversations empowers me to make different choices in my life. I’ve learned not to be a victim of my circumstance; instead, I know how to change my circumstances to make my life better.
I share these stories during the episode in hopes that you can see yourself in them. We all lose sight of the big picture. We all are guilty of having an inward mindset. We are all guilty of telling ourselves false stories that allow us to be victims of our circumstances. But we also have to power to change it. You, too, can be an accountable, self-leading kind of leader. And being one will bring you success.
So how can you practice being a strong, successful self-leader? Listen to find out more!
Question from the episode comes from someone who follows me on social media, "Kerry, how do you calm your nerves when you go on stage or in front of the camera. I hate public speaking, but I want to get better at it."
I have been doing a lot of speaking for organizations and companies these days, and it never fails every time I am nervous. So here are a few things I do to calm my nerves.
1. Write out what I will say, whether it's a paid speech or an important message in a company meeting. Being prepared will make you feel more confident.
2. I always take a few deep breaths before I start. Breathing is the best way to ground yourself. If am really nervous, I go out for a quick walk. Fresh air and movement always make me feel better.
3. I talk about things I know, and I share personal stories. It's amazing what happens when you recall a story. It puts you at ease and allows people to connect with you.
4. Talk slower than you think you need to. It allows you to breathe and collect yourself as you talk.
5. Don't be afraid to use notecards and look at them if needed. Everyone understands you want to stay on point.
6. Smile. Smiling when you talk makes everyone feel more at ease, including you.
7. It's okay if you mess up, miss a word, or have to repeat yourself because you fumbled a sentence. People connect with humanity, not polish. You don't have to be perfect.

Guest: Brandon Webb is a combat–decorated Navy SEAL sniper turned entrepreneur who has built two brands into an eight-figure business. As a US Navy Chief, he was head instructor at the Navy SEAL sniper school, which produced some of America's most legendary snipers. As an entrepreneur, Brandon crashed and burned his first start-up in 2009 and lost everything. After this experience, he created SOFREP Media, which he continues to run as CEO. He is also an author of several books, including his latest thriller, Steel Fear, and several nonfiction books such as "Total Focus: Make Better Decisions Under Pressure" and "Masting Fear: A Navy SEAL's Guide."
Over his navy career, he completed four deployments to the Middle East and one to Afghanistan. He redeployed to Iraq in 2006 as a contractor in support of the US intelligence community. An accomplished and proven leader, Brandon was meritoriously promoted to First Class Petty Officer, ranked #1 in the Command, while an instructor at sniper cell. He has received numerous distinguished service awards, including Top Frog at Team 3 (best combat diver), the Presidential Unit Citation (awarded by President George W. Bush), and the Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal with "V" device for valor in combat. Brandon ended his Navy career early to spend more time with his children and focus on entrepreneurship.
Episode in a Tweet: Don't fight fear or try to beat it back; instead, embrace and harness it so you can triumph in even the most adverse situations.
Quick Background: I reached out to Brandon after reading "Mastering Fear: A Nacy SEAL's Guide." While reading this fantastic book, I learned that Brandon was a fellow YPOer and knew he had to come on the show. I appreciated Brandon's views on mastering fear. My favorite line from the book is, "Fear can be a set of manacles, holding you prisoner, or it can be a slingshot, catapulting you on to greatness." While I haven't had people shooting at me as Brandon has, I could relate to his stories and appreciated how he overcame loss and tragedy to create a better life for himself.
In this episode, Brandon shares his story of leaving home at 16, becoming a Navy SEAL, and losing his first business and marriage at the same time. He has overcome controversy, rebuilt his relationship with his father, and has followed his passion - writing. His media company, SOFREP, is a military-themed digital media company. SOFREP aims to be the "MARVEL" of military content and has already produced several hit online shows, books, and podcasts. It's a blend of video, digital print, podcast, and indie book publisher.

This week's episode of Reflect Forward: Advice from a CEO is about the importance of making it safe for your employees and teammates to speak up.
Being an employee-owned company, we at StoneAge encourage people to speak up…keeping it real is what we call it, and it's part of our Own It Mindset, which is our set of values and leadership principles.
I believe we do a pretty good job of creating a safe space for people to voice their opinions and concerns, but no matter what we do, not everybody feels comfortable. Most of this fear is unwarranted, but we certainly have made mistakes, intentionally or unintentionally shutting people down or minimizing their comments. Another mistake we have made is overemphasizing the delivery of the message.
I'll be the first to admit that I have been guilty of putting too much emphasis on the delivery. Now, the delivery of a message is important; the world is about influence, and everybody wants to be seen, heard, and valued, wishing to see their ideas and thoughts put into action. Doing this requires influence. And so often, a good message gets lost in poor delivery. Getting hung up on the harshness of someone's words and tone, there have been many times it took me a while to hear what was in the feedback because I was so bristled by the way it came out.
If the pandemic taught me anything, we need to be more understanding and open to other people's ideas and opinions, so I went on a mission to care less about the delivery and more about the message. When I am triggered, I examine why to move through my emotional response quickly and get to the heart of what matters…the message.
In this episode, I give my tips on making it safe for people to speak up while controlling your emotional responses. Then I address an adjacent topic in the question of the episode. One of my employees asked, "Kerry, I see that you are talking a lot about being cool, calm, and collected, and it's noticeable at work. And I wanted to understand what you do to keep yourself from getting amped up."
Great question, and I am so pleased that my effort is paying off. Being cool, calm, and collected is my 2021 mantra. While I certainly misstep from time to time, I am finding that be intentional about my emotional responses is helping me stay grounded. Tips that I share include: thinking about how I want the person interacting with me to feel when they walk away, being intentional about the way I show up, getting exercise to reduce stress, and reframing the issue in the big picture rather than focusing on the minutia to keep things in perspective.
Don't miss this episode for more insight and ideas on how to be a leader who creates safety and reminds level-headed.

Guest: Chris Schembra is the bestselling author of "Gratitude and Pasta: The Secret Sauce for Human Connection." Forbes ranks his book as the #2 book of 2020 to create Human Connection; USA Today calls him their "Gratitude Guru," and he's a Founding Member of Rolling Stone's Culture Council.
He is the founder of the 7:47 Gratitude Experience — an evidence-based framework used to strengthen client and team relationships in profound ways. He's used the principles of gratitude to spark over 500,000 relationships around the dinner table, serving Fortune 50 CEOs, Olympians, Academy Award Winners, Grammy Award Winning #1 Recording Artists, Super Bowl Champions, and more.
He's been selected #5 on the "10 Motivational Speakers that will Rock your next event" by Marketing Insider Group. He was named "Entrepreneur of the Year" by Smart Hustle Magazine and "People of 2017" by Clientele Luxury Magazine. Recently, he was honored alongside Michael Phelps, Chris Evans, Kid Cudi, and several others as "6 Successful Men Smashing the Mental Health Stigma" by Good Men Project.
Episode in a Tweet: Resilient people are people that have a purpose. They are chasing a North star such as be less shitty tomorrow and solve other people's problems. If this is your purpose in life, then you will weather that next storm.
Quick Background: I met Chris from my fellow YPOer Ben Wright, founder, and CEO of Velocity Global. Chris and I hit it off immediately, and I asked him to do a gratitude experience for my employees at StoneAge and it was a hit! I've joined him on his show: 7:47 Conversations (you can listen here), and now the tables are turned.
Chris shares a raw and deeply personal story of growing up in a bubble that caused him to be entitled and a troublemaker. His doctors put him on meds at a young age which numbed him and dumbed him. Not remembering much of his childhood, anger and resentment ripped through him like a hurricane, destroying relationships and driving him to addiction. Rehab and jail set him on a new path, but there was still something missing. After coming back from working on a Broadway play in Italy, he found himself miserable and alone. Deciding he was not going back down the path of destruction, he started cooking, creating a signature pasta sauce. Then he began hosting dinners. And before he knew it, people from all over were joining his Gratitude Experiences, talking about who and what they are most grateful for.
At every experience, Chris asks his signature questions – "If you could give credit or thanks to one person in your life that you DON'T give enough credit or thanks to, who would it be and what would you say?" People connect deeply on this question and the ensuing conversations, which forever changed Chris's life. He is now called the gratitude guru and is making headlines wherever he goes.

I once was told that taking things personally is one of the most selfish things a person could do.
This statement stuck with me, and I found myself sharing it often. Not wanting to be a hypocrite (or selfish), I decided I had better start paying more attention to whether or not I regularly took things personally. To my dismay, I realized that I did…far more often than I wanted to admit. I also found that when I did, I felt bad about myself. I felt bad about other people. I felt bad about the situation. I felt bad about everything. Yuck.
After suffering a bit longer, I decided it was time to stop taking things so damn personally.
I want to encourage you, too, to stop taking things so personally. You will not only improve your life, but you will also improve the lives of everyone around you. You will be happier. And you being happier makes the world happier. And we all know that the world could use more happiness.
Here are five things you can do to stop taking everything personally:
1. Don't make other people's rudeness, irritability, curtness, etc., about you. It's about whatever is going on with them. Smile, silently wish them well, and move on.
2. Consider all feedback constructive. The more you get, the better you will be, even if the input doens't feel valid. Make modifications and apologize when necessary. But don't take any of it personally; instead, be grateful for it.
3. Don't expect people to read your mind. If you do, you'll regularly find yourself disappointed. Face it, most of us aren't psychic so there is no point in expecting others to know what is happening inside you. Always be honest about how you feel and what you are thinking—candidness matters.
4. Don't make assumptions. You don't know what other people are thinking or feeling, so don't assume. Plus, incorrect assumptions cause undue suffering. If you don't know, ask. Even if you think you do, ask. Seek to understand.
5. Tell yourself a different story. Each of us views the world through our individual lens. We all have deeply rooted biases and personality types that influence the color, texture, and feel of that lens. Our lenses are shaped by our parents, family, friends, and communities and by our experiences. How each of us sees the world is very personal and very different. And that's what makes the human species so unique. But it's also our biggest downfall. We fall into the trap of thinking that our thoughts and feelings are THE TRUTH. "I am right and they are wrong." Even highly self-aware people find it difficult to break outside of their way of thinking. None of us know THE TRUTH. We only feel and see our own truths (which may be flat out wrong). So if you are taking something personally, recognize that the story you are telling yourself is just that: a story, and there's a good chance it's wrong. Why not tell a different story? One that doesn't involve turning angels into demons.
Not taking things personally takes effort and persistence, but it's worth it. You'll be much happier and feel better about yourself when you can let things easily slide off your back. You'll be more open-minded and better able to take feedback when you let other people have their own opinions without becoming defensive or protective. Life is better when you turn your story from a negative one to a positive one.
Question of the episode: This question comes from a person on LinkedIn who says, "I'm a new manager, and I am really struggling with delegating. How do I go about doing this effectively in a way that doesn't make me feel so awkward?" Listen to hear my tips!

Guest: Sid Mohasseb is known as The Entrepreneur Philosopher. He is a published author, serial entrepreneur, venture investor, university professor, innovation leader, business thought provoker, and public speaker.
At 16, he migrated from Iran to the US without his family. At 21, he started and later sold his first company, and at 25, he taught comparative Eastern and Western philosophy. Before the age of 30, he became the youngest partner of a national management consulting. Over the following two decades, he supported large-scale acquisitions and acted as a principal investor in middle-market companies leading company turnarounds. He also founded and led several early-stage and hyper-growth companies from inception to acquisition. His latest book is “You Are Not Them: An Authentic Entrepreneur’s Way,” where he shares how he approaches entrepreneurship as a master craftsman: an iterative lifestyle rather than a final destination.
Episode in a Tweet: You are already an entrepreneur; now learn how to be a great one by leading authentically, creatively, and by navigating risk.
Quick Background: I was introduced to Sid through a fellow YPOer and was immediately drawn into his story. His rise to success as an Iranian immigrant is inspiring and insightful. As an author, adjunct professor, a venture capitalist, a few times over corporate CEO, Strategic Innovation lead in Strategy for a conglomerate, a Harvard trained negotiator, a veteran board member, and a featured TED Speaker, Sid’s real expertise is in connecting theory and reality and helping people see the bend in the road ahead and make visions a reality. Sid and I talk about how to bring out the best version of yourself and navigating risk. Leadership is situational, personal, and unique for every leader, but Sid shares his belief that there are five universal elements that all leaders are impacted by. I love these because they are in alignment with reflecting forward. They are:
1. Three-Way Trust
2. Variable Communication
3. Overarching Courage
4. Situational Awareness
5. Constant Competency
Sid and I also talk about his love of poetry and how he uses it to express his leadership philosophy. He also shares his thoughts on being an immigrant in America and how immigrants have shaped America and are critical to American entrepreneurialism, job creation, and overall society.